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"Adam's Beard-o-Meter" stands opposite the reviews of teas. It reads:

Week 1. He says: Kicked off nicely. They say: What beard?
Week 2. He says: Feels itchy. They say: Looks it.
Week 3. He says: Looking good. They say: Has ginger tendencies.
Week 4. He says: Possibly needs a trim underneath. They say: Not for an Abraham Lincoln impersonation it doesn't.
Week 5. He says: Has the authority of Charles Darwin. They say: No, of Captain Birds Eye.
Week 6. He says: Ha ha ha. Ho ho ho. They say: Santa?

And now, decision time: to shave, or not to shave. Trim, or not to trim. It may have profound consequences, a symbol of ultimate power, or at least a statement of it over my own face; or perhaps some other consequence, as certain interesting, and probably single men, can attest to.